My Ass part 2 re post

It's the end of the work day.
I consider walking home and leaving my red and silver torture device at work to rot for all eternity.
No my legs don't hurt.
My breathing has returned to a normal pace. I'm not really tired but I don't want to get on that ungodly contraption.
Being the "should-er" I am I talked myself into riding home.
I get changed out of my work clothes and into my riding clothes. I take the steps down to the parking garage. Un lock my bike and swing my leg over. As soon as my butt hits the seat I know this ride will not be comfortable. Not that the ride in was comfortable but my butt is screaming "NO DON'T PUT MY WIDE SELF ON THAT LITTLE TINY SEAT! PLEASE GOD NOOOOooooo."
I ignore my butt and begin to pedal home. The ride home is much easier ...Except for my screaming butt.
I thankfully hit every stop light which allows me to remove my butt from the seat for at least 10 seconds every light. When I come to the end of Baker street and all socially acceptable reasons to stop every block to remove my butt from the seat I begin talking to my butt. "It's only another couple of blocks" I say to my butt. "We made it this far we can make it to the end."
My butt is screaming "NO WE CAN'T. NOOOOOOOOooooo."
I stop, remembering my bottled water and suddenly feeling so thirsty that I must stop and have a drink. Another five seconds of relief.
I make it home in record time. Happy for every down hill coast which allows me to raise my butt off the seat for even a few seconds.
I reach the stairs declaring to my bike and my butt triumphantly that we made it, we are home!
The worst is over. My chair and my TV await at the top of the stairs.
I haul my bike up. Lock it against the rail and make my way up to my door.
I'm so happy to see my chair that tears sting my eyes. Yes I am home, no more pain for me. Just rest and relaxation.
Then I sit down.

My butt connects with the chair and screams out in shock. I scream along with it. What is going on? Why is there still pain? I am no longer on that red piece of crap. I am home on my familiar chair. The chair that has housed my butt for many a winter..and summer. What the hell is going on?
After two days of sitting on my pillow I am ready to try again.
Tomorrow I will ride my pretty red bike to work.
Just don't tell my butt, it will try to talk me out of it.