To publish or not to publish- to agent or not to agent.

I've been researching romance fiction for the better part of a year now.
Much of what I have read has been very good. If I lose myself in the story and forget to pick out elements to add to my writers tool belt I'm satisfied.

Some of what I have read is very bad, really bad. So bad I don't care to ever read another book by the author.
I will remember that author and not in the good way.

This had me wondering, what is my ultimate goal here. Is it to write a provocative, compelling novel or is it to be published?

If in fact my only goal is to be published then apparently I can do that.
Is that what I want? Will I fill my novel with repetition, weak story, weak heroines and unbelievable content, just to get it done and out on the road to publication?
Will it be seen on the shelves and become part of a monthly mail out where the readers of my novel will remember my name and not for the right reasons? Is that what I want?

Obviously not. I have no doubt that someday I will see my own book on the shelf at my local book store. It may be next year it may be ten or more years before I see it but I will see it.
I have time.
I need to remember that while I hone the craft that has been a part of my soul since childhood.

I know my grammar is horrific, my spelling atrocious and my punctuation..Well that's a whole separate topic. I know I struggle with adding enough description and really have to work at show don't tell. Because I know these things I am not rushing to the alter (so to speak).

When I first made the decision to stop talking about writing and start writing I was rushing. I wanted to enter every contest. Finish my book in three months and start on the other ideas I had floating around in my head. I didn't, couldn't. I had the desire, I had the faith, I did not have the skill. I still don't, but I'm working on it. Slowly but surely I am discovering my writing style. How to best approach my writing to ensure I use my strengths and have a plan in place to assist me with my weakest parts.
Maybe someday I will have a keen grasp of the craft. Confidence in my skills and be able to whip out a manuscript at top speed. Until then I slowly plug away, all the while learning from my errors in the hope that someday when you pick up my book you will read it and want to pick up another, and another. In the end shouldn't THAT be the goal.
Not just to write but to write well.