What's love got to do with it?

Ahhh the age old question. What is love? Does anyone really know...or is it different for everyone? Is it the "I can't stop thinking about you, want to be with you all the time, happy just to hear you breathe on the other end of the phone" feeling? Is it great sex and undeniable passion? Is it compatible thoughts, values, lifestyles? Is it the laughter and mutual appreciation of each other,not only for your similarities but also for your differences? Is it that comfortable feeling of years spent together, companionship and knowledge of the other person? Is it all of the above? And do we as humans have the capacity to love many people or is there really only one person out there for each of us? Also if love doesn't last does that mean it was never love at all? Is that belief the one thing that holds us back? Do we fear the feelings above because we believe they lied to us before? Maybe there are so many kinds of love, some that last and some that are with us only for a short time. Maybe if we thought of love that way we wouldn't fear it, we wouldn't hold the end result so close if we made an effort to appreciate the beginnings?
I'll admit, I fear love, the effect it can have on you, the pain when it goes away, but there are people who have held on to it forever. Who maybe had times when it wasn't as strong but were strong enough to wait it out, knowing it would return to them. If we don't take that chance in loving someone are we risking the life time loss of that never ending love?
Romance novels always have a happily ever after. We love them because of it. As humans we are in love with the idea of love but fear the act of loving another. If we just decided to love each other. To check our baggage at the door every time we had the opportunity would we be better for it?
I believe we probably would.

Lets talk about love

A friend of mine recently started dating a man. I mean recently. I met him last weekend and he seems like an ok guy. Except for a few things that set off alarm bells in my head. Like when he told me that he made her tell him that she loved him. I asked him why. He replied, "I want what I want."
Huh?
Doesn't "I love you" mean more when it's given freely? When it's said with a clear picture of who that person is, what they believe and with a full knowledge of their faults. And how can he possibly expect that she truly loves him after such a short time. One can love the idea of someone else, one can love the possibilities but until you truly know someone you can't possibly love them in the purest sense of the word.
One of my favorite quotes is "more important than your love for me, is my love for you- for that is all mine"
That mind set frees you, someone doesn't have to love you for you to love them.
Love is like any emotion. I have to own my anger, I have to own my jealousy or my pettiness therefore I should also own my affection, my love, my happiness.
If he makes her tell him she loves him how can he ever believe that to be true? Even if she does love him, which I highly doubt, he will never know because he made her say it. It just doesn't have any meaning now.

Lets talk about sex

Ok, we won't go into any detail but here's what I want to know. If men are at their sexual peak in their 20's and women in their 30's why aren't more women dating younger men?
Oh sure you might argue, They aren't as emotionally mature, they don't have the same life experience, they aren't as settled, what would people think?
Lets look at that, I've found that often men in their 40's and 50's aren't as emotionally mature as one might expect, Life experience often equals ten tons of baggage, and how settled are they really. Does settled often equal boring.
If we really look at it Demi Moore has the right idea. A younger man has likely been raised by a modern woman. He might surprise you with his emotional and social maturity. He likely won't care if you make more money or have to work long hours, he probably won't be paying child support to his three ex wives and watching you for any sign that you demonstrate similar traits as the fore-mentioned three ex-wives. He will likely give you more emotionally than a 40 something guy ever could. He certainly could give you more physically.......Over and over again!!!!!

I will never drink again!

Part of the plan for my new life in Kelowna was to get out more. Have more fun. Spend more time with friends. Maybe date a little. So when my friend said lets go for beers on Friday I was right on board.
Lets remember that I am not much of a drinker. There isn't even a stocked bar in my house. I have to go buy booze when I have company.
That said, I know I can drink 4 beers and not be stupid drunk.
Yeah right
We went to a cute little Brew Pub on Hwy 97. Not so little really it has a bowling alley in it and a full menu with great food. I looked around and thought, geez I'd like to come back here again what a great place. That was before I made a drunken spectacle out of myself. Now I can never go back again.
That's not true.
I wasn't that bad but I did fall over in my chair after only 4 beers. Yes folks I did. I could feel it happening in slow motion. The slow turn of the chair that told me I was going over. I tried to stop the momentum tried to right myself in my chair but the fates would not have that. Over I went in front of everybody and their god. It was horrifying and after only 4 beers more horrifying. But that was just the beginning of my humiliating night. Yes it got worse. I lost my keys later in the evening, I wasn't driving home anyways but I did need to get my car in the morning and only have one set of keys.
I am an idiot.
The most humiliating part of the evening actually happened the next day...But I digress.
I got home at about 1:00 am, looked at the clock and wondered how it got to be that time. All we had done since 9 was play a couple of games of pool. I sent a drunken email to a friend, called my partner in crime to tell her there was no way in Hell I was going to the gym at 8:00 am, talked about the man she had run into while we were out and went to bed.
I woke up to the worst hangover I have had in ...well, years, even worse than Martini night at Marianne's, and that was bad.
I stumbled to the kitchen for water, stumbled back to bed and popped some ibuprofen. An hour later my son comes in.
"hey mom how're you doin?"
"umph" I say from my pillow.
"Hung over?"
How does he know I wonder, I'm searching my brain but recall he was in bed when I got home.
"uh huh"
"where's the car?"
I remember that I have no keys and that at some point I have to go get my car.
"at the pub"
"That's good"
Here's where parenting at it's finest happens. Sometimes you have to use your child's evil powers for the greater good....Right?
"David, You may have to come with me to get the car, I think I locked my keys inside it."
"Sure no problem Mom, I could just go get it and drive it home."
I consider this for a minute, that is how bad I feel because David is 14 and does not have a drivers license.
"Umm no"
" I can do it mom, I know how to drive."
I look at him again considering.
"No David"
"Alright when do you want to go"
"Later when I feel better"
Hours later I still feel awful, but now I am worried that my car won't be there anymore. I drag myself out of bed, pull on some pants and a sweater. I do not shower, I do not comb my hair, I did brush my teeth though. I understand now why alcoholic people look like they do, They are too hungover to care what they look like.
We leave the house. Then David runs back in and returns with a coat hanger.
I'm thinking about my horrible parenting skills as we walk down the Hwy, me with my scary hair and him with his coat hanger.
Luckily we found my keys and got the car home. I returned to my bed with the vow I made many times in my early 20's. I will never drink again!

Punishing myself

David is grounded from the computer. Now he's a sneaky little devil but I pride myself in being the former queen of sneaky, as a child, so I am always one step ahead of him. Or so I thought.

Punishing David is always an act of creativity. He doesn't care if he can't go out, he doesn't care if he can't use the phone. The only "currency" I have is the computer. However I am at work all day and he is at home for a good portion of the day. Makes following through on punishment difficult when you have a sneaky child.
So I thought I was quite brilliant the other day when I took the modem with me to work.
People asked, "what is that?"
I replied, quite smugly, because I am brilliant after all, "It's a modem, David is grounded from the computer."
Oh yes I was smug, I was brilliant, I was the goddess of parenting. I had thwarted the sneaky child.
I basked in my brilliance for most of the day.
Until I got home and realized I had left the modem at work. Now I am grounded from the internet as well. Not so brilliant.